Let’s reframe motherhood.
If you have found a week old sippy cup under your couch recently, this blog is for you.
If you have ever craved adventure in the middle of motherhood, this blog is definitely for you.
Because in the midst of drudgery and mess and fatigue, it’s easy to feel stuck in motherhood. And you’re not stuck.
Sure, maybe you didn’t chose your current life situation. Maybe life took you by surprise. But motherhood is an opportunity to be creative, to shape culture, to find little snapshots of beauty in the midst of chaos. At least, that’s what I believe.
“I love my kids, but…”
When I’m feeling frustrated, how many times do I start a thought with “I love my kids, but…” and finish with a way to complain about my boys? There is no BUT. There is absolutely nothing that could negate how much I love my children. But I still get in this mindset that I could love them more if the situation would change.
Love in motherhood is fierce. So why do I do that? Why do my thoughts throughout the day get in the way like that?
I have a couple of truths about motherhood that I cling to in my journey to reframe my approach to motherhood.
Truth: Motherhood is hard.
Has anyone else spent time in the middle of the night looking up the UN’s Nelson Mandela rules for the treatment of prisoners? No, just me? Listen, reality is that people who have committed serious crimes are required to get better treatment than I do as mom!
I have been spat on. I’ve found all categories of other people’s bodily fluids in my hair. Overtired little people make ridiculous demands and then melt down when they aren’t met. There have been nights that I would have loved to be required to sleep in a room by myself. Or go outside for exercise. Or have someone make me three square meals a day.
Truth: you are not stuck.
It’s easy to feel stuck in motherhood. But sometimes looking at the smallest of things differently can change your entire outlook.
Dirty diapers are the direct result of being a good eater and a healthy body.
Shoes in the middle of the floor go onto a pair of healthy and active legs.
Time spent waiting for a preschooler to zip up their own coat is time spent watching them grow up before our eyes.
And when you feel like you have no other options—you can’t work indulge yourself in the same way, or when you’re missing out on an opportunity—remember that there is always a way to be creative and find the good in the midst of motherhood.
You can actively combat that mindset. Finding one small win seems to make it easier to win the day.
Bake cookies spontaneously.
Plant seeds and watch them grow.
Finally make the time to paint that piece of furniture.
Get rid of clutter.
Vacuum your car.
You might not have time to complete any large tasks right now in this chapter of life, but you are not stuck. It passes so quickly. When you start to find small wins, like showering on a regular basis, then you can start to look for larger wins.
Truth: you need fun in your life.
Do you remember that exercise when we were kids where a person stands on a chair and tries to drag their friend up? And then the friend tries to pull the person on the chair down and it is way easier? Listen, it’s not just for teenagers! Moms can pull each other down too!
In a mommy-needs-wine culture, it seems like everyone and their mom wants to tell you how horrible they’ve got it and how they’re barely coping. Once they start venting their grievances, it becomes hard to resist identifying with their complaining. Before I know it, I’m barely coping too.
Instead of complaining, I want to have fun. I want to find ways to be creative. I want to become the best version of myself in the midst of motherhood.
Truth: we are trying our best.
I don’t know you personally, but if you are reading and reflecting on mothering, that seems like a good thing.
I so wish that we could meet over a cup of coffee, and you can tell me your story. Maybe someday.
Even without the coffee, can I help encourage you?
I’m Brohgan Dieker. I write for mothers to make it easier to cling to hope. Things are hard, they might always be hard, but we can find a way to find hope in every season.
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